KANGJIE

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

new .

Hello people! i've moved! so please go visit okay? hehehe. bye.

BLOG LINK! (Click HERE)

11:59 PM

exactly .

THIS IS WHAT IM FEELING RIGHT NOW!
dont know you guys can read or not.

and no, im not going to private this blog. just leave it here bah.

1:39 AM

Monday, July 20, 2009

lies .

yes, im trying to relate. i wanted to. but i guess i shall pull that idea off.

just got back from a jog. wanted to release some stress i had. its not really true that jogging can help you release stress. i came back from my jog, and i still feel like shit. but who cares? i also made my first official post on my wordpress.

My Wordpress Link

like i have mentioned in my previous post. i will be using wordpress. and will go on private for this blog. so my pathetic number of readers, read it while you can before i go adjust the settings bah.

im really tired already. Emotionally, Mentally, and now Physically. i will try to turned to what bobby is best at.

afterall, i still feel unwanted. sigh.

3:05 AM

Saturday, July 18, 2009

nobody .

i think this song definitely suits me somehow. lol. nobody, although a little no link with what im feeling. but its just the title bah. lol. so maybe if i can change the lyrics a little maybe that will help bah. hehe.

i am nobody nobody to you,
i am nobody nobody to you.

lol. okay anyway. woke up late today for project. supposed to reach at 12plus1. but i woke up at around 1215. lol. so went to shower and then cook one packet of the inbumie, mee goreng. ONE packet is like DAMN little to me. normally i ate two packets for that and its like just nice only. :( so i went there feeling quite hungry so i bought two bread. cabbed down since im late. sians. reached at 1 i think.

started doing. in a very slow pace as usual. did one small part for dont know how long when everyone if finally done with their own part. collated everything and it turned out to be 31pages long (excluding some small parts) when the thing is suppose to be only 20pages long. lol. so had dinner first before we continue. dinner-ed at seany's place. aunty sonia cook. i think she can cook quite well. and quite healthy also. not oily. hahaha. i like the pork! its all lean meat. woo~ had rose apple. which is something i dont really like but still eat since its there for us already. lol.

went back to work. editing sucks. we cut down from 31pages to 27pages. dont know took how long. not done yet. still got one big chunk of words for us to edit and cut. awww, all our hard work one by one got chopped off. :( then went to take a bus with dorothy while seany drove the HONDA CRV (long story behind this CRV thing. AND YES! I AM PETTY SEAN! HUR!) to send ham and tricia home. lol.

chatted quite alot with dorothy. mainly she's the one talking lah. im lazy to talk also. and im all along the listener ma. so she told me the stories while i just nod and laugh when necessary. think im really too damn tired already. accompany her at 644 coffeeshop while waiting for her friend to have supper with her. lol.

tomorrow have project AGAIN. ya, what's new? 12pm at seany's place again. hopefully by 6pm we can finish editing the SM shit and then can start on editing MA and work on CB. which i find it a little hard from the pace my group are working.

hmmm. i think people might think that im okay today when im actually not. had a terrible headache. cant voice it out since everyone is working so hard. :( so got to tolerate the pain and everything. sighhhhhhh. life is hard on me now. i dont know why. i always feel like crying. any moment anywhere. i forgot to mention it yesterday. but when im at biz park waiting for them to finish buying food. i can feel that tears are gushing up, but i cant let it flow. i hate it when i need to control my tears. :(

and i think high chance im switching to wordpress. then maybe private this. cause wordpress you could lock whatever post you dont want people to view. oh well. i'll see how. for now, byebye. :(

edit//
and i got back my Sundays at Tiffany's from sean. he didnt even read it. first few pages maybe. but from what he says, i am sure its not even one chapter. what to do?

11:59 PM

Friday, July 17, 2009

friends .

today my day started off bad. totally had a rough day. it wasnt like that initially. but ONE incident actually triggered the whole thing. and because of this, today i had the real taste of being a "nobody", and nope im not talking about the song. people who read this would think that it is the librarian incident that made me so *angry/upset. but this is actually what came along. and because maybe i am too tired and hungry also bah. but who cares?

*RAISE UP HAND*

Answer: No One.

but anyway. did project in school. oh wait. we didnt do at all. from the time after we met gary to the time we had lunch. we didnt do anything. hmm. maybe kwek did one small part bah. but other than that. nothing else. then after lunch went up to class still feeling very *moody/tired. but still had PDI consultation which the tutor said was pretty good. then collated the MA draft. printed at library ALONE when THREE went down. why? dont ask.

*RAISE UP HAND*

*Ignoring-in-process*

after class went to mensa for early dinner. had western. very long never had western already. decided not to save on dinner cause i think i might be spending more if i eat abit only. lol. then to kwek's place to do project. we did for like 3hours? and guess whether we are productive or not.

*No one raised up hand cause it is pretty obvious*

and im finally home at early 11! and finally saw my mum for after like 2 days. was downstairs when i saw her coming down with babie. so walked the dog with her and chit chat abit.

tomorrow's going to be a project based day too. meeting them at 12plus1 at seany's place. i seriously HOPE that we can finished SM by tomorrow including the editing part. cause i think there's alot of editing to be done. sighhhhhhhhhhhh. then still need to do CB. monday need to show her some stuffs already. for nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. im going to see whether to sleep or not.

byebye.

*Delete where applicable

11:59 PM

packed .

look at the time. 2.30am. :( i feel so tired. physically, mentally and emotionally. i think i could collapsed anytime. i dont know why but i feel really stressed up this sem. i really cant wait for all the project submissions and then i will be free for awhile before i start mugging for my end sem tests and MA exam. for now i got to chiong on all my reports first.

these few days have been doing project. or should i say, these few days i have been spending alot of time trying to be my project but only little has been done from my group. i think the morale is very low. everyone got no motivation. moreover, there is this plants vs zombies game which got my team mates hooked on it. which is a super bad news. i know its very hard for people to concentrate on doing stuffs for a long period of time. this applies to me also. but to some people, the leisure time is more than the working time. which is also a super bad news. sighhh.

having consulation later at 10am. i seriously hope i can wake up. :( after that there's no lecture due to dont know why. then next lesson would be at 2.40am which is also a consultation, just different module. i think will be taking this long period of time to carry on doing the projects. try to complete MA, still got one part havent do. PDI need to do some drawings and then still got sales management. if we didnt managed to touch on sales management, high chance we will be doing that after our 6pm lesson. and then i dont know what time can go home. :( got 2 days never see my mother already. :( hope tomorrow can reach home before she sleep bah. sigh.

and my saving plan is not going on very well. in this period of time i took a total of 2 cabs. :( one is share with dorothy to school. cause was late already. but in the end. some jokers came even later. which is like 30mins later. :( another time is to rush to kwek's place to do project. cause was pretty late already and the bus is not helping by coming in 10mins time. sighhhhhhhh. overall this saving plan sucks. and i did not stick on my sandwich diet. ARGH. but i think im not sticking to it already. rather eat mee rubus which cost only $1.50 which the portion is quite small lah. so got no choice lor. have been drinking alot of water to keep my stomach filled.

anyway this has been a bad week. dont like it.

2:25 AM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

cry .

nearly cried just now when im in the bus. after i part with tricia, suddenly i feel so lonely. im always alone, but i dont really feel lonely. but it just happened just now. and i think sean offered to drive me home after he drove tricia home. i rejected. dont want them to see me in the pathetic state. and i think even if i want to, he still cant make it.

i think i just feel stressed as usual. not regarding school work (doesnt mean i dont care about that) but something else. something which im always concerned about. and once again i am having doubts. its bad. really.

listened to my favourite old school song. That's Why (You Go Away) - Michael Learns to Rock. the first time i hear the song was during primary school time. and up till now i still think its very nice.

school.
project.
home.
school.
project.
home.
school.
project.
home.
school.
project.
home.

im not being a nuisance. i just typed down my schedule for the remaining days. :(

1:40 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

upset .

some people might realised that my previous post was an angry post. and auntie mixue request for me to remove it. and there it went. poof. it was gone.

dont feel quite good now. not feeling unwell. mood swing i guess. bad time to blog. so i shall stop here. and sean is supposed to send me hush hush. guess he forgot. lazy to remind him also. he'll send when he sees this which is like dont know when. okay bye.

1:13 AM

Saturday, July 4, 2009

life .

okay here to blog with bad news. lol. im in huge debts now. owe my sister money, owe bingchao and kimwee money (mahjong debts). and i think i also owe weixiong money way way way back. lol. yeah welcome to my life. my life is as bad as shit anyway. who cares a hoot. sigh.

okay so saving plan is here again. gonna go on a sandwich meal everyday! even though i might be fucking hungry i swear im gonna just take sandwich when im in school. dont eat outside. go home eat maggie mee. no more cheers for me. so hungry life is back again for the gazillion times. this way i will be able to pay my sister back in around one week plus. then i swear to myself i wont touch mahjong UNTIL i pay back my mahjong debts. AHH! what a bad year. seriously, it's a bad year. and i thought last year was worse. :(

anyway time check. 2.37am. going to school at 11am for brunch (maybe not for me) then project till dont know what time. i shall be hardworking enough to wake up early to eat one packet of mee pok before i go to school. oooooooo. then tomorrow maybe dont have to spend a single cent. haha. provided my house got bottle. so i dont even have to buy drinks. woohoo~ then go home around evening time. go dig out food. haha.

okay even though today i lost money and wasnt happy about the losing money part, it was quite a funny day. in school was quite alright, was laughing at tricia's very cute sister. other than that, nothing much i think. then was pretty pissed off while waiting for my usual clique at gardens. landed ourselves at borsche. seriously, i dont think i will step in to that place again. i find the food pretty sucky. service was horrible. okay. wont return. lol.

then decided to play mahjong again. and i still thought today maybe luck will change and i will be the ONLY winner. but it turn out im the ONLY loser. how bad can it be huh? lol. but in the process of playing its very funny. kimwee and the others were crapping as usual. just that today played cheat a little. and this little cheat cause me to be the ONLY loser and lost 17bucks (bingchao was kind enough to DONATE 2bucks to me). lol. and turned the original biggest loser to someone who didnt win nor lose. lol. argh. oh wells, i'll take the responsibility then. lol.

okay i think i need to sleep soon. gonna wake up for my breakfast. then school for project. totally no mood now. sians to the max. LOL! ciao people!

2:31 AM

Friday, July 3, 2009

wish .

okay back to blog. and look at the time! i should be sleeping already. but lesson starts at 11am later and i had a shiok 2hours nap just now. when my mum came in the room i still thought why on earth does she wake me up so early (she woke up at 6am everyday). that was when i realised i fell asleep. lol.

okay this week isnt so bad. completed the booked that i borrowed from seany way way back. hmmm. i teared. the part when enzo is dying. i stopped tearing and i finished the rest of the book. i finished reading at 3.49am. put away the book. then i started tearing again. i dont know why. it just happened. maybe i surpressed my emotions for too long already? maybe i have always showed people the stronger side of me? i dont know. and this continue around a couple more times.

anyway. me, dr teo is here to share something. i can really conclude that emotions are totally linked to health. the other day when i was feeling damn unhappy, my fever returned and a little headache. then today when i was in school wasnt really happy with someone, as usual, i had a terrible headache. sigh. therefore, this is proven, by Dr. Teo Kangjie. lol.

hmmm. due to some incidents, i think i really fail as a friend. i always tried to be the best i could. and i thought its the best i could be already. but somehow, it is not that case. i dont know how to explain. but ya, even though friends shared stuffs among each other, there are still some stuffs you rather not said. or maybe you would only share with certain closer friends.

its hard for me to cheer up. and even though i might feel unhappy i would still try to cheer people up when they are feeling down. sometimes i just dont hold the power like some other people do, one snap of the fingers and you turned out okay. when im unhappy, i tried not to affect others' mood. i tried not to make things worse. but somehow im always the one being affected. thats how unfair life is huh?

dennison popped me one random question just now.
"How do you even define friends?"

it really got me pondering who really are my friends.

is it you?

2:29 AM